Sunday was Day 26 of my 75 days of summer. The purpose of this blog is to track my efforts to experience more joy this summer. I want to do what makes my heart sing more; I want to trail in the tailwind of others’ joy, less.
Sunday and into the first part of the week was spent at the home of friends, taking care of their home and pets. In the past I’ve focused too much on helping others, albeit largely through my work. In fact, one of the main ways I made myself happy in the past was to try to help others. I didn’t spend enough time and energy caring for myself including looking after my needs to experience my own kind of joy.
This was a recipe for disaster for me. It led to increasing bitterness about the energy I was expending on behalf of others — trying to look after them, making them happy and live up to their expectations. And it led to depletion of all of my mental, emotional, physical, spiritual and financial resources. I crashed.
I still struggle with people pleasing. But I’m more able to see it for what it is, now: a way of trying to shield myself from rejection by trying to control others’ reactions to me by trying to please them. I can see that that’s no way to live. Trying to control others’ reactions leaves me in a chokehold, too; I’m not free.
But of course there’s an important place for doing service for others in a joyful existence. I know my friends appreciate the pet care I provide occasionally, a lot. And they’re my friends — they help me, too.
It gives me joy to help out.
But I keep that in the right place. Helping others isn’t my main source of joy. It’s only a fraction of it.
Yours in following your joy and bliss this summer and always.
Annie.
Joymeter 